[Diarmuid gave this longer than he would've liked, but some individuals needed a more patient hand lest they lash out instead of listening. But it's been long enough.]
I heard what happened.
I won't ask if you're alright, I'm certain I know the answer to that already. I will ask this instead: What can I do to help you?
[Husk isn't the best at accepting help. He's stubborn and mistrustful and tends to expect people are working some kind of angle if they reach out a hand to him. But Diarmuid has been nothing but obnoxiously decent to him. After a while, he just had to accept the guy was just a Good Person and he wasn't looking to exploit a weakness. He was just... fucking sincere in his desire to do good. Fucker.
Which is honestly the only reason Husk peers out of his bed, surrounded by empty bottles to grab his phone and respond. ]
Not unless you can break a soul contract, no.
[ Husk pointedly does not talk about Alastor, but it's clear not doing that fucked him over on the ship. He can still feel the collar heavy around his neck, and he makes him want to curl into a ball and stop existing for a while. Logically, he knows Alastor wasn't real. He knows that. But it felt too real and it's left him on edge. What WOULD he do if Alastor showed up here? Fucking nothing? Just be back to being at his beck and call?
He's reaching around at the foot of his bed- he has to pick up a few empty bottles before he finds one that still has some whiskey in it. Downing it.]
[Unfortunately, Diarmuid was not just sincere but also more stubborn than he would be under different circumstances.
Ones that made Husk bringing up a soul contract made his heart twist. Knowing that the only reason Diarmuid could even exist was due to a summons, a pact. A soul contract of his own. Knowing that the one who held it in Kaisou was a rarity among mages that would and has relinquished full authority. Is a partner over a Master.]
If only I were able to. I would if it meant you could feel a sense of relief. Or perhaps freedom.
I assume someone who once bound your soul was among those hallucinations I was told of.
[He's inviting Husk to speak about it, but not forcing. Much like their earliest conversation, Diarmuid is treading this water carefully. There's just more investment now. This isn't a stranger, a new member of the Black Order he wished to know more about. This was a friend who has suffered.]
[Husk has owned souls himself, in his past life. Hundreds of them. He remembers that. The rest of his time as an Overlord is vague and fuzzy, but he knows he wasn't a good Master to the souls he owned. Gambling them away like they were nothing but poker chips.
Quite regularly, he wonders if Alastor was simply karma coming to collect.]
'Preciate it, Kid. But it ain't in the cards for me.
[He's fishing around for more booze- christ there has to be something he hasn't drunk already.]
Yeah. Past life bullshit.
[ There's a pause, he's never typed the demon's name before- for a brief, insane moment, he's scared he'll summon the guy by doing it. The heaves out a breath. No. That's stupid. ]
[How long must one's past sins follow them across lifetimes? Was looking over one's shoulder from the influence of another demon or the demon that a faction formerly was not penance enough? Though, in Diarmuid's eyes, he had a matter to atone for himself. One that he paid the ultimate price for.]
So you say, but have you not earned your freedom once before already?
[Diarmuid didn't know the full circumstance, but he would prefer to have a heart full of hope in potential goodness than scrutiny. He was not naive by any means, but it's that world wise nature that allowed him to hope more strongly.
His heart twisted again for Husk. In the familiar way that it did for "himself" as he existed on another branch. Knowing more than just they or other Servants were forced to have their souls in the hands of the worst of the worst.]
I see. And presumably the way you were treated under his contract was reflective of that. If not even worse.
[Again, he was treading carefully, all the while rage towards himself and a ship that was no more made anger start to rise in him.]
You have safety from him here, but you were forced to face the last person you ever wanted to. I'm sorry.
[Husk frowns. For a few moments the little "..." appears and reappears as he types, deletes and retypes what he's trying to say. ]
Order was different. They HAD an out. Took a whole fuckin revolution, but they still had an out. No one escapes Alastor. No one.
[Hope of getting out from Alastor's chains died long before he even began this life. He'd tried it plenty, when he'd first been captured. When he was still proud and arrogant enough to presume he could think or fight his way to freedom. He was proven wrong time and time again. Every spark of hope doused quickly.
He learned apathy was the best way to deal with it. Alastor thrived on the misery of others. If he acted like nothing got through... well, it meant the Radio Demon didn't get his jollies. It's a tactic that's followed him into this life, too.]
Probably deserved it. Don't remember it too good, but I was a pretty shitty person. I was an Overlord once, y'know? All fuckin...
Territories. Owning souls. Murdering fuckers who crossed me. Shit like that. Gambled people's souls like they were nothing. Just caught up to me, is all. Gambled against the wrong demon.
[ Maybe, deep down, he'd be touched by Diarmuid's anger for him- but he'd honestly find it misplaced. Husk's self-loathing is pretty powerful. He really doesn't think it's worth the effort. He was a scumbag in his past life and is only marginally better in this one.
There's another long pause. ]
Order were trying to wake him up in this world. Alastor. They were using me as bait. That's why they didn't just fucking kill or seal me when I was causing them problems. I was just meat in a trap for something nastier.
[Stated matter of factly, even over text. Not to dismiss, but because this was what Diarmuid truly believed. He was in Kaisou before there was an "out". He's just doing the same thing he did with Edward, applying logic where one's inner turmoil bellowed.
Still, the same ire he felt towards the Order was being felt towards Alastor. Even if Husk would say he didn't deserve it. Even if he was once an awful tyrant as bad as his soul contract owner.]
In your past life, maybe. But the life you lead now isn't the same as the one you led before. Even if many years ago in this life you made mistakes, you raised Lapis to be more than what the Order demanded of her. You loaned your strength against the Zealots and Unyielding for a better future. You listen and advise, even helped me find my footing when I felt my resolve threaten to shake.
I'll never forget that. The people you have helped will never forget that.
The Order that dared to use you as they did for Alastor's return no longer exists. And even if Alastor himself may, he has no right to your soul in this life.
You fought hard for your family's freedom. You deserve yours just as much as anyone else.
[And if by the strangest twist of fate someone within the Order attempted to facilitate Alastor's return again? Diarmuid will gladly remind them that his loyalty is, has been and always will be to Waver Velvet, not the Black Order.]
Black Order ain't one of the most powerful demons in Hell, kid. Much as they wanted to be.
[He has absolutely no hope of getting off Alastor's leash. The Order were nothing compared to the Radio Demon, in his eyes. They were awful, and they've made the last forty years of his life a living hell. He reads what Diarmuid has to say, but he can't find a lot of comfort in it. This life might be better - largely thanks to Lapis, but he never had much faith it would undo all the bad he's done in this life and the last.]
You're making me sound more heroic than I am. I didn't do it because it was the right thing to do, I was just protecting me and mine.
[Not really true, but it's a falsehood he's willing to believe. It's easier accepting the crap he's been though if he wholeheartedly believes he deserved it. That karma screwed him over, than his existence just being that shitty.]
I dunno. Alastor was a lifetime ago but on that ship? It was like no time had happened at all. Like it was just right back in that fucking life again. And that's the problem. People wake up all the time here, he don't NEED the Order to do it. One day it might just happen, and if he comes to collect?
Well. There's shit all any of us can do about that. Pretty fuckin' clear from the Order's files that his "right" to my soul carried over. The bastard owns me in this life, just as much as he did the last. He juat ain't awake to claim it yet.
You don't need to be renowned or even without sin to be someone's hero, or perform heroic and altruistic acts. The sin may follow, but acts of good are remembered.
[Diarmuid wasn't going to let up on this matter. Though he would concede that he didn't know the full situation with Alastor.
Would it stop him?
Absolutely not. It would encourage him to fight against that fate for his friend.]
The ship you were on opened an old wound that has reared its head before this. I realize that makes it harder to believe, even for a moment, that you will ever be free.
In that case.
I will believe for you. I will believe with all I am that you will be free. That you are free. That your life, Husk, will always belong to you and who you choose to share it with.
I won't be swayed. Even if he does "come to collect", then I promise you that my swords will stand against him in the fight for your soul.
[What will win out? Husk's colossal self-loathing or Diarmuid's unshakable faith? Only time will tell!
And then he's just staring at what's being written, because it's a level of batshittery he's not seen in a long fucking while. Husk groans, rubbing his face with a hand, even if Dia can't see it.]
See? This is exactly why I don't tell people about him. Because I know it'll end in some insane bullshit where you decide you can fight against him to save me and that'll just get everyone killed. He's one of the most powerful demons in Hell, and most of you fuckers are squishy and mortal. Ain't no need on you getting pasted on my account. Be smart. Live a long life, Kid.
[Diarmuid has the power of god and anime on his side.
As for his response, it came with a delay. Husk was concerned for him, for anyone who would do the same as him in bringing Alastor down for Husk's sake. But there's more to Diarmuid's motivation that Husk did not know. And more to the nature of his existence, though the latter was easier for him to explain than the former. Considering he knew what he was... not who the other "Diarmuid" was or what he felt.
Still, though, he could speak for himself.]
Calling me mortal wouldn't be entirely accurate either. Though I can die, I'm not human. But I know that knowing that will not stop you from wishing you'd said less.
I am only able to exist by tethering myself, my very soul if you will, to a human that summoned Heroic Spirit Diarmuid ua Duibhne, into the modern era. Who you know me as is fortunate enough to have been summoned a person who is loyal, caring, humble and asked me when I came to this world if I wanted to renew our contract. Which I accepted.
But planes of reality exist where my Master was someone cruel, arrogant and selfish. A powerful man among his peer group who could in theory have forced me into anything. And as a Knight and a Servant I had no choice but to follow him.
I never want to see a dear friend be forced into a similar situation or believe he stands on the precipice of one.
Móralltach will sever that fate if it ever rears its head.
[Husk wants to rail against this. He wants to throw his phone across the room and go back to drinking and being fucking miserable about everything. That wold be easier. He's good at that, and it means he has to talk about Alastor less. How, even living through second-hand memories, that man made his skin crawl. How he can't listen to the radio without his fight-or-flight response being triggered. How he feels weak and useless over a man he's never even come across in this lifetime.
But here's Diarmuid, coming with sound reasoning. Speaking from a level of understanding he hadn't expected from anyone else in this place. Someone who understands exactly what Husk is facing down whenever he thinks about the Radio Demon.
...Well, shit. ]
Hell's full of fuckers like him. Like me. Ain't a lot of decency there. Which is kinda the point. There's always some asshole ready to exploit another one for their own gain. It's...normal.
[But something Charlie was desperately trying to fix. That was the whole point of the Hotel, after all. Proving that people could be better. Could choose to be better. That Hell didn't mean the end of everything forever if you didn't want it to be. If you were willing to put the work in and change for the better.
Your life is yours.]
...You're really fucking obnoxiously stubborn, aren't you? How the shit ain't you dead?
[It's a flavor of understanding neither of them would wish on another. And Diarmuid of Kaisou only knows of it essentially second hand. Until a few IC weeks from this conversation anyway, oops.
And the real answer to Husk's question is: Diarmuid has already died. Thrice, in fact. Once being left to succumb, twice for what he believed was right.
But Husk didn't need to know that. It was a burden to bear on his own.]
So I've been told. But by all means, let me be so obnoxious if it means I may look down a hopeful path. Even if those around me cannot. Especially if they cannot.
I don't mind being the man to so aggressively remind my loved ones that they are and deserve better than they might think.
[have you considered, mr. ua duibhne, taking your own fucking advice?]
[Husk doesn't know that (yet) it's not a burden he carries just at this moment. But his response wouldn't be much different either way. He heaves out a sigh, reading Diarmuid's words, scraping a hand over his face. Fuck's sake, this kid will be the death of him. ]
Yeah. I'm getting that fucking impression. Reading that one loud and clear.
You never get tired of it? There's so much goddamn bullshit going on, you can't keep it up forever, right?
[There's... a short delay at that. Diarmuid did once hit a breaking point. It wasn't a moment he was proud of. He completely lost his composure when Waver went limp in his arms in the cabin last year. He wasn't a fool, he knew everyone had one.
He just...
He could never let it be seen again.]
But as long as I can hope and believe, I will. Even as I fall to the earth, I'll pull myself up from it again and again.
[At the very least... that's what he wanted. That was what a knight had to do. Though fallible, he must never lose that image. It was who he was. It was what let him exist. If he wasn't a Knight of Fianna, what was he?]
[That is not a healthy way of dealing with your shit, young man!!! ]
Fuck me, you're exhausting.
[The tenacity is so goddamn much. But isn't that what he's brought Lapis up to be? Not letting the bastards grind her down? Having Alastor appear to him has reminded him just how much can be taken away from a person. That sometimes, the bastards really can grind you down until you're dust. Nothing.
...And yet. The horrors persist, and so does he.]
Guess it ain't a terrible mentality to have. 'Specially in a place like this that's actively looking to fuck you over on a near monthly basis.
shortly before midmonth. text; un: goldenrose
Date: 2024-10-21 06:44 pm (UTC)I heard what happened.
I won't ask if you're alright, I'm certain I know the answer to that already. I will ask this instead: What can I do to help you?
no subject
Date: 2024-10-22 09:06 pm (UTC)Which is honestly the only reason Husk peers out of his bed, surrounded by empty bottles to grab his phone and respond. ]
Not unless you can break a soul contract, no.
[ Husk pointedly does not talk about Alastor, but it's clear not doing that fucked him over on the ship. He can still feel the collar heavy around his neck, and he makes him want to curl into a ball and stop existing for a while. Logically, he knows Alastor wasn't real. He knows that. But it felt too real and it's left him on edge. What WOULD he do if Alastor showed up here? Fucking nothing? Just be back to being at his beck and call?
He's reaching around at the foot of his bed- he has to pick up a few empty bottles before he finds one that still has some whiskey in it. Downing it.]
That was some real bullshit.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 04:07 pm (UTC)Ones that made Husk bringing up a soul contract made his heart twist. Knowing that the only reason Diarmuid could even exist was due to a summons, a pact. A soul contract of his own. Knowing that the one who held it in Kaisou was a rarity among mages that would and has relinquished full authority. Is a partner over a Master.]
If only I were able to. I would if it meant you could feel a sense of relief. Or perhaps freedom.
I assume someone who once bound your soul was among those hallucinations I was told of.
[He's inviting Husk to speak about it, but not forcing. Much like their earliest conversation, Diarmuid is treading this water carefully. There's just more investment now. This isn't a stranger, a new member of the Black Order he wished to know more about. This was a friend who has suffered.]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-24 10:35 pm (UTC)Quite regularly, he wonders if Alastor was simply karma coming to collect.]
'Preciate it, Kid. But it ain't in the cards for me.
[He's fishing around for more booze- christ there has to be something he hasn't drunk already.]
Yeah. Past life bullshit.
[ There's a pause, he's never typed the demon's name before- for a brief, insane moment, he's scared he'll summon the guy by doing it. The heaves out a breath. No. That's stupid. ]
Alastor. The Radio Demon. He was...
He was a fucking sociopath.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-25 03:44 am (UTC)So you say, but have you not earned your freedom once before already?
[Diarmuid didn't know the full circumstance, but he would prefer to have a heart full of hope in potential goodness than scrutiny. He was not naive by any means, but it's that world wise nature that allowed him to hope more strongly.
His heart twisted again for Husk. In the familiar way that it did for "himself" as he existed on another branch. Knowing more than just they or other Servants were forced to have their souls in the hands of the worst of the worst.]
I see. And presumably the way you were treated under his contract was reflective of that. If not even worse.
[Again, he was treading carefully, all the while rage towards himself and a ship that was no more made anger start to rise in him.]
You have safety from him here, but you were forced to face the last person you ever wanted to. I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-25 07:40 pm (UTC)Order was different. They HAD an out. Took a whole fuckin revolution, but they still had an out. No one escapes Alastor. No one.
[Hope of getting out from Alastor's chains died long before he even began this life. He'd tried it plenty, when he'd first been captured. When he was still proud and arrogant enough to presume he could think or fight his way to freedom. He was proven wrong time and time again. Every spark of hope doused quickly.
He learned apathy was the best way to deal with it. Alastor thrived on the misery of others. If he acted like nothing got through... well, it meant the Radio Demon didn't get his jollies. It's a tactic that's followed him into this life, too.]
Probably deserved it. Don't remember it too good, but I was a pretty shitty person. I was an Overlord once, y'know? All fuckin...
Territories. Owning souls. Murdering fuckers who crossed me. Shit like that. Gambled people's souls like they were nothing. Just caught up to me, is all. Gambled against the wrong demon.
[ Maybe, deep down, he'd be touched by Diarmuid's anger for him- but he'd honestly find it misplaced. Husk's self-loathing is pretty powerful. He really doesn't think it's worth the effort. He was a scumbag in his past life and is only marginally better in this one.
There's another long pause. ]
Order were trying to wake him up in this world. Alastor. They were using me as bait. That's why they didn't just fucking kill or seal me when I was causing them problems. I was just meat in a trap for something nastier.
So no. Not really all that safe, actually.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-25 10:08 pm (UTC)[Stated matter of factly, even over text. Not to dismiss, but because this was what Diarmuid truly believed. He was in Kaisou before there was an "out". He's just doing the same thing he did with Edward, applying logic where one's inner turmoil bellowed.
Still, the same ire he felt towards the Order was being felt towards Alastor. Even if Husk would say he didn't deserve it. Even if he was once an awful tyrant as bad as his soul contract owner.]
In your past life, maybe. But the life you lead now isn't the same as the one you led before. Even if many years ago in this life you made mistakes, you raised Lapis to be more than what the Order demanded of her. You loaned your strength against the Zealots and Unyielding for a better future. You listen and advise, even helped me find my footing when I felt my resolve threaten to shake.
I'll never forget that. The people you have helped will never forget that.
The Order that dared to use you as they did for Alastor's return no longer exists. And even if Alastor himself may, he has no right to your soul in this life.
You fought hard for your family's freedom. You deserve yours just as much as anyone else.
[And if by the strangest twist of fate someone within the Order attempted to facilitate Alastor's return again? Diarmuid will gladly remind them that his loyalty is, has been and always will be to Waver Velvet, not the Black Order.]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 06:01 pm (UTC)[He has absolutely no hope of getting off Alastor's leash. The Order were nothing compared to the Radio Demon, in his eyes. They were awful, and they've made the last forty years of his life a living hell. He reads what Diarmuid has to say, but he can't find a lot of comfort in it. This life might be better - largely thanks to Lapis, but he never had much faith it would undo all the bad he's done in this life and the last.]
You're making me sound more heroic than I am. I didn't do it because it was the right thing to do, I was just protecting me and mine.
[Not really true, but it's a falsehood he's willing to believe. It's easier accepting the crap he's been though if he wholeheartedly believes he deserved it. That karma screwed him over, than his existence just being that shitty.]
I dunno. Alastor was a lifetime ago but on that ship? It was like no time had happened at all. Like it was just right back in that fucking life again. And that's the problem. People wake up all the time here, he don't NEED the Order to do it. One day it might just happen, and if he comes to collect?
Well. There's shit all any of us can do about that. Pretty fuckin' clear from the Order's files that his "right" to my soul carried over. The bastard owns me in this life, just as much as he did the last. He juat ain't awake to claim it yet.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 03:55 am (UTC)[Diarmuid wasn't going to let up on this matter. Though he would concede that he didn't know the full situation with Alastor.
Would it stop him?
Absolutely not. It would encourage him to fight against that fate for his friend.]
The ship you were on opened an old wound that has reared its head before this. I realize that makes it harder to believe, even for a moment, that you will ever be free.
In that case.
I will believe for you. I will believe with all I am that you will be free. That you are free. That your life, Husk, will always belong to you and who you choose to share it with.
I won't be swayed. Even if he does "come to collect", then I promise you that my swords will stand against him in the fight for your soul.
[DIARMUID.]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 06:46 pm (UTC)[What will win out? Husk's colossal self-loathing or Diarmuid's unshakable faith? Only time will tell!
And then he's just staring at what's being written, because it's a level of batshittery he's not seen in a long fucking while. Husk groans, rubbing his face with a hand, even if Dia can't see it.]
See? This is exactly why I don't tell people about him. Because I know it'll end in some insane bullshit where you decide you can fight against him to save me and that'll just get everyone killed. He's one of the most powerful demons in Hell, and most of you fuckers are squishy and mortal. Ain't no need on you getting pasted on my account. Be smart. Live a long life, Kid.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-03 03:23 am (UTC)As for his response, it came with a delay. Husk was concerned for him, for anyone who would do the same as him in bringing Alastor down for Husk's sake. But there's more to Diarmuid's motivation that Husk did not know. And more to the nature of his existence, though the latter was easier for him to explain than the former. Considering he knew what he was... not who the other "Diarmuid" was or what he felt.
Still, though, he could speak for himself.]
Calling me mortal wouldn't be entirely accurate either. Though I can die, I'm not human. But I know that knowing that will not stop you from wishing you'd said less.
I am only able to exist by tethering myself, my very soul if you will, to a human that summoned Heroic Spirit Diarmuid ua Duibhne, into the modern era. Who you know me as is fortunate enough to have been summoned a person who is loyal, caring, humble and asked me when I came to this world if I wanted to renew our contract. Which I accepted.
But planes of reality exist where my Master was someone cruel, arrogant and selfish. A powerful man among his peer group who could in theory have forced me into anything. And as a Knight and a Servant I had no choice but to follow him.
I never want to see a dear friend be forced into a similar situation or believe he stands on the precipice of one.
Móralltach will sever that fate if it ever rears its head.
Your life is yours.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-03 08:39 pm (UTC)But here's Diarmuid, coming with sound reasoning. Speaking from a level of understanding he hadn't expected from anyone else in this place. Someone who understands exactly what Husk is facing down whenever he thinks about the Radio Demon.
...Well, shit. ]
Hell's full of fuckers like him. Like me. Ain't a lot of decency there. Which is kinda the point. There's always some asshole ready to exploit another one for their own gain. It's...normal.
[But something Charlie was desperately trying to fix. That was the whole point of the Hotel, after all. Proving that people could be better. Could choose to be better. That Hell didn't mean the end of everything forever if you didn't want it to be. If you were willing to put the work in and change for the better.
Your life is yours.]
...You're really fucking obnoxiously stubborn, aren't you? How the shit ain't you dead?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-03 09:15 pm (UTC)Until a few IC weeks from this conversation anyway, oops.And the real answer to Husk's question is: Diarmuid has already died. Thrice, in fact. Once being left to succumb, twice for what he believed was right.
But Husk didn't need to know that. It was a burden to bear on his own.]
So I've been told. But by all means, let me be so obnoxious if it means I may look down a hopeful path. Even if those around me cannot. Especially if they cannot.
I don't mind being the man to so aggressively remind my loved ones that they are and deserve better than they might think.
[have you considered, mr. ua duibhne, taking your own fucking advice?]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 12:30 am (UTC)Yeah. I'm getting that fucking impression. Reading that one loud and clear.
You never get tired of it? There's so much goddamn bullshit going on, you can't keep it up forever, right?
[Even Charlie had breaking points. Even her. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 02:02 am (UTC)He just...
He could never let it be seen again.]
But as long as I can hope and believe, I will. Even as I fall to the earth, I'll pull myself up from it again and again.
[At the very least... that's what he wanted. That was what a knight had to do. Though fallible, he must never lose that image. It was who he was. It was what let him exist. If he wasn't a Knight of Fianna, what was he?]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-05 07:10 pm (UTC)Fuck me, you're exhausting.
[The tenacity is so goddamn much. But isn't that what he's brought Lapis up to be? Not letting the bastards grind her down? Having Alastor appear to him has reminded him just how much can be taken away from a person. That sometimes, the bastards really can grind you down until you're dust. Nothing.
...And yet. The horrors persist, and so does he.]
Guess it ain't a terrible mentality to have. 'Specially in a place like this that's actively looking to fuck you over on a near monthly basis.