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[wiseoldbartender]

Husk

Fuck off.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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FROM: SUBJECT: FAMILY CHAT So we got a pig now. LAPIS I know you don't want a big fuss... EDWARD If you want to talk about it or... DIARMUID I heard what happened. CEREZA Knock knock, my little Sourpuss~ CAMILLA Say, Husk, you wouldn't happen to have any recommendations... LAPIS Father's Day SAMPO/LAPIS/JINWOO Husker Agapov. On the next night in... LAPIS Are you at your place right now? EUNIE how's this month's mission mildred

TO: SUBJECT: FAM CHAT What does it mean when you dream DIARMUID So. Are we gonna talk about the thing. FAM CHAT Weird request. One of you needs to come... BLADE Got a sword from that sketchy shopkeeper. ELLIOT Hey, Elliot. Think shit's calmed down enough... DIARMUID Order came. At Jinwoo's place. LAPIS That FUCKING son of a BITCH HUA CHENG Shit's getting bad. LAPIS One of those flying boxes gave me a new phone EUNIE You might wanna stay away from your regular place for a while.

code by cawaii

Comments

[crisantemo]

[ Lapis takes a seat in the offered footstool, trying not to fidget as she thinks of how to word this. Only to then immediately shake her head when there's talk of punching someone. ]

No, no, no. No punching. [ This is related to Jinwoo please don't punch Jinwoo. ]

And I wouldn't say it was something you need to be worried about, I think... Unless you're worried about me getting married. Maybe. I'm not sure.

[ Wow she actually said the word. "Married." Immediately she tenses up, lips pressing into a thin line as she twists her fingers together - actually talking about it makes it feel so much more real. ]

... I've been thinking about it, lately. But I keep psyching myself out.

[wiseoldbartender]

[Husk doesn't look impressed at the no punching rule being brought right out of the gate. This feels like it should be a punching problem. At the very least, it does feel like a worrying problem, given how stressed Lapis obviously is about it all.

And then she just drops the M word and he blinks. He's about to ask if Jinwoo proposed, but as his daughter continues to speak, he realises that's not the case at all. She's percolating on this, clearly. His tail flicks, uncertain for a moment, thinking on how to... tackle this.]

...Well. It obviously matters to you if you've been thinking about it at all. So. What's been freaking you out about it? Let's walk it back a bit.

[crisantemo]

[ It's a lot to tackle, especially since Lapis never... considered this could be a thing she would think about someday. Now here she is: thinking about it.

His question is mulled over for a moment, as she tries to detangle each worry and put it into words. There's a part of her tempted to go back to old habits, to clam up and shove this all aside, but she pushes passed that - she knows talking to Husk will help. And she's learned better now. ]

It's just... What if I'm thinking too far ahead? Or if I... If even mentioning this will mess things up?

[ Which all does sound kinda silly, now that she's saying it. But this is also why she's talking to the dad today. ]

[wiseoldbartender]

[Husk at least does listen to what she has to say. He can understand where her fear is coming from. For the vast majority of her life she has been treated as a weapon in the Order. Been told she will never be anything but that. He's always done his best to teach her otherwise, but his voice is one against a hundred. Loud and stubborn as he is about that, some of their bullshit seeping in was inevitable. It would leave a mark. It has left a mark.

He puts his hands together, heaving out a sigh.]

Okay, first up, you're not gonna fuckin' mess it up by talking about how you're feeling. C'mon, dochka, I taught you better than that. If you're feeling this, you owe it to yourself by telling him about it. You owe him that too. And if he don't take it well? Then he's not as fuckin' worthy of you as you think, and you'd be saving yourself worse heartbreak down the road.

[He unclasps his hands, raising up one clawed finger.]

BUT I don't reckon he would. Because that boy is fuckin' besotted with you. And you're happier than I've ever seen you with him. I know you've just had the goddamn Order stopping you from thinking you'd ever have a chance at a future, and now you're freaking out because suddenly you're getting one and you don't know what to do about it. But that's the thing, you can do whatever the fuck you want with it now. You took your future back, it's yours. No fucker can take that away from you, not even you.

[He raises his shoulders in a shrug.]

So, if you want a future being married to Jinwoo, why not ask him? He's just had his future given back to him, too. Maybe he wants exactly the same thing- but one of you'd gotta broach the subject to get there. Ain't shit gonna happen in your life if you're too afraid to do anything about it.

[crisantemo]

[ Despite being stuck in worry mode, hearing him call her "dockha" does get her to perk up - some of that tension leaving her. And the more she listens, the more it gets through the haze of worry she had hidden herself in. Husk is right, this is something she should talk to Jinwoo about... And part of her knows that this next step isn't really that far-fetched for them. Their home is with each other, and she knows whatever comes next in the future, she wants to be by his side.

But it's still... a large step. Something more permanent. There's a big step between boyfriend and...

And the other thing. Even thinking about it makes her embarrassed. ]

I guess I didn't want to... Bother him, with how I'm worrying about this. [ She is bracing herself for getting shaken, she knows Husk has taught her better than to worry about that!!! And it's not fair to hide it from him either. ]

I know I should talk to him, and I want to, but it's hard to shake the worry that I can't... have something like that. [ To love and be loved by someone, enough so she wants to spend the rest of their lives together. ]

[wiseoldbartender]

[He watches her perk up, glad to give her some comfort in this, because he has a feeling most of this conversation will be him telling her that she's being a fucking dumbass. Husk lets her think, watching ash she processes everything in her head. She is right to brace herself, as Husk rolls his eyes to the goddamn heavens. There they are.]

Don't be a fuckin' dumbass. Why would it be bothering him? He's your fuckin' partner, being bothered is part of the goddamn job description. You're supposed to talk shit out. I mean, fuck, ain't none of us are mind readers, Kiddo. You need to let people know what's goin' on or you're just gonna keep worrying and then people are gonna worry about you. And then everyone is fuckin worried and miserable. Nothing gets fuckin' better that way.

[ Because he HAD taught her better on that one. That letting her bad feelings fester would only be poison for her mind and heart. That she needed to be honest about them to be better.

He gestures at the room around them.]

Lapis. He literally fuckin let you live in his house with him. He invited your fuckin' father to live with you. In his house. Literally you idiots not sealing the deal is the only step you're goddamn missing at this point. You've already got something like that, you're fuckin' living it already, dipshit. You just ain't done the final step is all.

[crisantemo]

[ Lapis is at least aware enough to look sheepish the more Husk talks, because he is right. But this is exactly why she came to talk to him - he doesn't sugarcoat anything, and that's one of the only things that gets through the piles and piles of poor self-esteem that has built up over the years.

And it is enough to chase some of those fears away, and she deflates a little more with a quiet sigh. Her life with Jinwoo now is... basically all of that, something calm and secure, and she doesn't see that changing anytime soon. It's impossible to imagine a future where she isn't with him, now. ]

The last step makes it all... permanent. And I do worry that he might get tired of me someday. [ And she quickly holds up a hand, she knows how that sounds - ]

I know he's not the type to do that, ever, but I still don't have the best opinion of myself.

[ It's a work in progress!! And after a pause, she adds; ]

... Well, at least now I know you don't oppose the idea either.

[wiseoldbartender]

[ Husk will never sugarcoat anything in his life. Sugarcoating is for people too chickenshit to tell it to people straight, in his opinion. It doesn't make him many friends, but it does at least guarantee an honest response from him.

He pointedly and slowly claps his hands together.]

Yeah, it's permanent, you fuckin' dumbass, that's the fuckin' point. It's two idiots saying they wanna be idiots together for as long as they're breathing. Otherwise, it wouldn't be as big a deal as it is.

[He was absolutely about to argue her point, luckily, she did it for herself.]

Well. Now's the chance for you to learn how to have a better opinion of yourself. If you can't work that shit out for yourself, let someone who loves you do it for you- eventually, you might start to believe that they see in you.

[He shrugs, pulling out some cards to idly shuffle them because god forbid he not do some sort of displacement activity while he's talking about genuine feelings.]

Yeah... he's a good guy. And he obviously loves you. I dunno, if you've gotta settle down with some rube, it might as well be with one who thinks you actually matter. That shit's important.

[crisantemo]

Which is also why I'm a little nervous. It's a big deal, even if we are already very domestic...

[ Even if they already act like a married couple. How many times have they called Tank and Azzurra their kids...

The more she thinks about it, the more the only real difference is the lack of rings and official ceremonies and paperwork. Though let's not think about the actual wedding part until things are actually official... She really should talk to Jinwoo, try to gauge how he feels about this. ]

And good thing I have you and Jinwoo to help me, huh.

[ Because as poor as her self-esteem is, as horrible as she views herself, she knows they love her. Not even she can deny that, no matter what her worries might tell her.

It will take some time, but she knows she can rely on them. ]

Mm, he's always treated me well... I still remember how determined you were to not like him.

[ She still remembers the threats..... ]

[wiseoldbartender]

You two act like you're already married, don't start with that shit. You just ain't made it official. You keep calling me grandpa. That ain't what people do who ain't already at least thinkin' about it.

[ He will call you the fuck out about this, daughter!!]

'Course. You gotta have someone to pull you back and make you realise you fuckin' matter. You're too much of a dipshit when you get into your own head to notice what your worth.

[He snorts in a mix of amusement and irritability.]

Yeah, well. He had to prove himself first. Needed to be sure he wasn't a fuckboy trying to get what he wanted and go. Now I know he's the biggest simp on the goddamn planet. [He shrugs.] You got a good one.