wiseoldbartender: (Think of all the time you waste)
Husk ([personal profile] wiseoldbartender) wrote 2024-03-07 12:35 am (UTC)

[He knows, logically there was nothing he could have done about Marlon's death. The kid had worked damn hard, and he was ready for a solo mission. Husk knows better than to let self-loathing get at him, that's another layer of bullshit he doesn't need. No, Marlon's death was on the Order, fully and wholly- there wasn't shit Husk could have done to stop it.

He always knew the Order didn't care about them, you couldn't be in the Order for more than a month without picking that up, unless you were a Zealot. But experiencing just how little of a fuck they gave about the teenager they got killed hit different. That was the start of the snowball of him losing what was a fairly decent position in the Order. It was like looking behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. Can't unknow just how fucking little you mean to people- and you sure as shit can't go back to wanting to be part of it.
]

Good. He'll keep her safe. ...For now at least. Dunno how long it'll last, not while Teresa's still here.

[Eunie's on borrowed time. All of the former Guardians that got out are. He almost says that Zhongli gave him an out- offered him a deal that would make him safe from the Order. But he bites it back- that would lead into conversations of why he didn't take it and he's feeling bad enough without adding fucking Alastor into the mix. He takes another pull of his drink.]

I dunno. Means I can check out for a couple hours. That'd help.

[He's so fucking tired. It would be so much easier if he could have just continued his self-destructive existence after Marlon. He'd always managed to be functional enough at his job that the Order couldn't make a good cause for Sealing him. It worked. But then Lapis came along and it's a lot harder to let your vices eat at you in the vain hope they might eventually destroy you when you have someone you genuinely love. Someone who loves you back.

The power of love can't completely trump alcoholism, but god if it doesn't put a spanner in the works. She could have done a lot fucking better without having to deal with dragging his ass out of the gutter all the damn time as a kid. Sure, he kept her from being dead inside, but he sure as hell never made it easy for her.
]

Yeah. I know. They're the ones who fuckin' killed him. They knew he shouldn't have done that shit alone, but they sent him anyway. [His fingers tighten on the bottle a little.] Sometimes, I think they did it on purpose just to get rid of him. They never fuckin' thought he was good enough. Didn't think for a second maybe he was just a goddamn traumatised kid and wouldn't be a perfect soldier right from the get-go.

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